How to react to adultery?
Not easy to learn that we were deceived by the person in whom we had placed all our trust. Adultery, whether common or not, destroys the life of a couple and leaves a deep wound in the person betrayed: loss of self-confidence and others, misunderstanding and questioning. How to cope? Should we forgive? Why was anyone deceived?
Possible reasons for adultery:
The intimate life of your couple is reduced to nothing : soon five years that you are together and your carnal relationships are reduced to once or twice a month. One claims, the other rejects the proposal. A moment comes when the impulses really need to be satisfied: sir (madam) decides to go elsewhere. It is only intimate and carnal pleasure. No way to go for a drink or a movie. They meet at the hotel, do what they have to do and say goodbye in all honor.
The routine took over: You come back from work, you sleep on the couch. Your partner prepares the meal. No dialogue. You end up eating together, in front of the TV, to avoid having to share anything. Then your darling decides to go to bed, hard day today (as the day before …). You prefer to lie on the couch, waiting for her to fall asleep peacefully. Tomorrow, the day will be the same, you both know it. And you can not stand this infernal routine anymore. One of you will end up looking for spice, communication or even a little listening …. elsewhere. It’s time to make an effort!
You live for your children : I am speaking more specifically to women here. Ever since you had your first child, your life as a couple has taken a back seat. Your goal is to satisfy the needs and desires of your little darlings, while your companion passes a little trapped. You become more a mother than a woman. He is upset and realizes that he has lost importance in your eyes. No more kisses, no more cuddles, no more carnal relations, so he decides to go elsewhere to fill the gap that you have unconsciously afflicted him.
You do not take care of yourself anymore: For women, you do not wear makeup when you do not go out, the coquinettes of the first months rot in a drawer, you nibble between meals … in short, you let yourself go completely. You do not see the interest of being beautiful in front of your darling, since anyway, he loves you as you are. Except that after a while, when there is no seduction, the couple collapses. Your companion will seek this seduction by rubbing other women.
For men, you do not do more sports, you eat in huge quantities, your clothes are good to throw in the trash and your haircut is to cry. Your partner is tired of seeing you in this state, and wants to spice up his carnal life by going to see real seducers. Once again, this is just physical desires.
One (one) another has landed suddenly in his life : your partner has met his life. He (she) fell in love with this woman at once. Maybe he was not well in your relationship without noticing it, or maybe he / she realized that he / she was looking for something else. He (she) therefore decides to take his clicks and his clacs and build a new relationship, having taken care to deceive you before …
He (she) needs to feel seductive (seductive) : man to woman, woman to man … these people need to feel constantly attractive. All attention must be on them. And to do so, they test their power of seduction by browsing the mouth of their prey and extend the discovery in a bed. These people are sorely lacking in self-confidence and are constantly cheating on their partners, despite the love they feel for them.
Should we forgive?
It depends on several factors: if you have been deceived once, several times or even several times with the same person. If you have discovered the deception by yourself or if your partner, guilty, has confessed everything. Some make mistakes and deeply regret their lack of respect, while others deceive all the time and surely, without feeling the least scruple.
We can forgive an error: if your sweetheart confesses that he (she) cheated on you once, to “try” and that he (she) really regrets, that he (she) loves you more than all…
We can not forgive retaliation: when adultery is repetitive, you can remove the word “stability” from your vocabulary because if you have been cheated three times, and have forgiven, be sure that he (she) will never stop.
You can not forgive lies: he (she) had already deceived you once and you had forgiven him. He (she) had promised never to do it again. Yet has happened. Like a woman who gets beaten, the pattern will repeat several times because he (she) knows your weakness.
One does not forgive someone who denies: if, after discovering that your partner was deceiving you, he denies everything: do not forgive anything. If he is not even able to confess his faults, he will be able to deny many other deceptions.
Adultery often breaks couples, and forgiveness is not always the answer. When we forgive someone who has lost our trust, we can no longer see him in the same way and jealousy takes a considerable place. It is good to know how to make the right decisions. Even if we love each other, one-way love is very little recommended.
But it’s also good to know when you can forgive. An error is very quickly arrived. To become aware of it, to confess and to explain why and how is a great step towards a lasting reconciliation. There are always times of trouble in a couple but giving it a second life is sometimes possible.
